Lemonade goals

Recently I came across this word:

Ennui

I wondered what it meant so I searched it up amongst my other google conquests amid my usual state of boredom at work.

I work with people – in the literal sense.

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Blue’s Clue

I’ve been doing a lot of letting go of late.

Letting go of my hair, letting go of my feelings, my society position at university next year, my hairy legs that don’t seem to be getting on with the changing seasons, my incessant need to be right and mostly my obsession over having the last say in everything. Because recently at twenty-one, I have come to the edge of the start of something new.

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The God-Father

If it isn’t obvious by now it will become strikingly apparent in the next sentence *currently under construction* that I am the C word.

No – Not that C word. The other one.

Yup folks – The skyscraper building, shattering glass windows, Read more

Our day at Hoar Cross Hall

Hey there,

So on Tuesday 14th February, I spent the day at a stately home situated near Birmingham and recorded a vlog (finally!)

This is the second vlog but seeing as it’s much better I decided to get rid of the first one.

Due to camera restrictions at the venue I was unable to video all our activities on this day but here’s for the memories:

The pain physician

At twenty-one:

unadulterated, emotional pain is a repugnant cuisine I have very much unwillingly consumed.

This kind of pain has a standstill effect on you. Once settled, it re-acquaints you with your every breath. Your heart becomes a ticking bomb against your chest. The ground beneath your soles suddenly gives and every step forward is a fickle attempt not to spill over your body. It leaves you with a lingering awareness of yourself but chokes you with the detachment from not belonging. Read more

Owe it to the twenty-year-old.

Twenty year old me didn’t expect to lose me, but she did.

She knew a lot about keeping things safe but what she didn’t know was this:¬†protecting something meant you kept it locked in your heart and you threw away the key.¬†So it’s clear she didn’t truly love me anyway. She lay me on her chest during her nightly talks with God and didn’t really understand what it meant to hold fast to what was dear.

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Hansuke

My teddy bear goes by the name of Hansuke.

It’s derived from two Japanese words,

Han – Companion
and
Suke – Help

Together, Hansuke’s name means,

A very helpful friend.

He was a gift from a great companion and has really stuck by me through thick and thick..well that and because he’s a big fat teddy.

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