Many a time, I come across gracious females my age and walk of life who really do look and resemble the life of completely fulfilled womanhood.
You know -‘ministry girl’, ‘Mrs right’ and ‘totally not breaking a sweat’ girl?
But then I take a brief look at myself and wonder, what happened? Where did I go between my 18th birthday and umm…well today.
Firstly, and on a serious note, where is my driver’s licence? What did I do or am doing that has signified my transition from childhood/girl-ship to womanhood? I ask myself, where exactly is the cut off point? Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to have goals and ambition and ‘ooo this is where I see myself in 10 years’ but…when does one simply jump from one boat to the other?
As a young woman who hasn’t reached the point emotionally and mentally to say to myself, “I have accomplished the task of becoming who I am”, clearly I’ve been panicking.
Then it hit me..baby one more time – Britney Spears!
Now, I know it sounds funny but stick with me here.
Britney Spears released a song back in the noughties (for those of you who do not know what years those were it was the early 2000s) of which was named I’m not a girl. Not yet a woman. Have a listen before you continue reading.
I don’t mean to sound like a broken record seeing as I am splurging on about self-discovery, but I wouldn’t have this blog if I wasn’t at least trying to reach those heights now would I?
Becoming 21 first and foremost taught me that there is an in-between.
There’s no way I’m silly enough to commit the same mistakes I made aged 16, but in the words of a famous birthday wine glass I am ‘old enough to know better, and young enough not to care’. Now, as callous as that statement seems to appear – ladies there is some truth to it.
You ever come across a lioness on discovery channel? She’s usually on the prowl seeking to fetch food for her cubs or looking out to protect her little ones or giving them a bath – lion style. In a nutshell, she is always under pressure to have it all together or face the consequences, i.e. her cubs starve to death or do something stupid or her lion husband probably divorces her. In fact, it almost seems that Mrs Lioness does all the work whilst Mr Lion over there A.K.A King of the Jungle lazes about all day.
But then it hit me once again…even lionesses make time to bathe in the sun.
Now, as a single and effortlessly human female (fortunately) with no kids, I don’t have to go on the hunt.
And just like that – I’ve learnt to cease putting immense pressure on myself to be Miss Proverbs 31. I must learn to let the lioness in me enjoy her afternoon nap. I must understand that in the words of Let it Happen by United Pursuit (check them out they’re amazeballs):
‘I’m full of life. I’m full of passion’.
That’s how he made me and I should just let it happen.
God has taught me that the journey is gradual. Be it gradual it is still progressive. But I can’t do all and be all, all at once. See? That state of being wouldn’t even make sense. I’ve learnt that true independence comes from being completely dependent on him. So the real question here isn’t where do I jump? The question is ‘how can I stumble with Christ by my side?’ – and that’s rhetorical.
So, to be twenty-one is to await a time – a moment, in which I will know that I am a woman. But until then I will listen as much as I can, learn as much as I will and await the lioness in me to rise.